Would you medicate this youngster for having too much energy?

I am jealous that I don’t have his energy. In fact, it bothers me! He should be different. He should focus and pay attention all the time. He shouldn’t be the way he is because of my opinions and my opinions are always right. It doesn’t matter that I want to hold him back. I am not interested in trying new techniques. All children should be treated the same. And my righteousness is much more important than trying new things.  I am not willing to be open to changing. I am a burnt out teacher. And I am sorry.

Bullying in children and solutions for: Bullies

To understand how to stop bullying, one must have a firm understanding of what is bullying. “A person is being bullied or victimized when he or she is exposed repeatedly, over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more persons.” There are three active players in most bullying situations. The bully, the victim and the bystander. In this article we will be focusing on the bully and effective techniques in recognizing and stopping a bully from continuing to be a bully. A bully is a person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to those he/she perceives as smaller or weaker. (e.g.: Teasing becomes bullying when it is repetitive or when there is a conscious intent to hurt another person).

Some effective strategies that have helped work with bullies are the following:
• HAVE A SERIOUS TALK WITH THE BULLY – this should happen immediately!!
• DOCUMENT INVOLVEMENT and participation in bullying.
• Send a clear, strong message that BULLYING IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
• Advise the bully that future BEHAVIOR WILL BE CLOSELY MONITORED
• Non negotiable/Set amount of time for behaviors to stop
• Correct the Bully’s thinking errors
• Give brief, clear description of unacceptable behaviors and consequences (consistency is key)
• Build empathy for the victim
• Remember – it is not the child that is unlikable, only their behavior!
• Expect that the bully will try to minimize and deny their actions and responsibility. REFER TO SCHOOL AND CLASS CODES OF CONDUCT in telling the bully why their behavior was unacceptable.
• Warn the bully that additional NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES WILL BE ADMINISTERED if bullying behavior does not stop. Follow through is critical
• FOLLOW UP IN COMMUNICATING with parents and with other teachers and administrators about the situation, until it is clearly resolved. Send copies of all reports to parents of the students involved and place them in the students’ files.
• CHANGE OF CLASS OR SCHOOL. If anti-bullying measures are in place and the problem persists despite these measures, moving the aggressive student can bring about change. If possible, the aggressive student should be moved before considering moving the victim. This solution should not be taken lightly, and all concerned parents and teachers should plan and consult with each other.

• Teachers should establish a positive, friendly, and trusting relationship with the class and each individual student. This is especially true for aggressive, acting-out students who may have had negative experiences with adults. It is easier for a student to accept criticism if he/she feels appreciated and liked.
• Show the class that you KNOW them – establish a connection!
• Act immediately if you observe or hear of bullying taking place.
• Initiate conversations with students about bullying.
• Be prepared to intervene.
• Don’t expect students to solve things themselves.

• Keep in mind that for the sake of the victim, never bring the bully and victim together.
• This only gives the bully more ammunition and validates the bully’s behavior
• This type of behavior should be handled by the adults– this is not a “kids” problem

Sometimes the bully doesn’t realize that the cause of their bullying stems from them being a victim themselves. Be open and listen. The following is an activity that I use in my “Breaking the Bullying Circle” assembly program. Use either a real life example or create a story about a child that has an older and younger sibling. Tell them how the older sibling bullied the middle child and discuss the emotions that came up for both the older child (the bully) and the middle child (the victim). Typically the bully feels good while the victim feels bad or sad. Explain how as a victim, we do not like to feel powerless so we, as the victim, look for another person to dominate and regain our power ie bully. The victim then bullies their younger sibling and instantaneously the victim changes into the bully. The new victim (the younger sibling) is now having a loss of power while the middle child (former victim) now feels better about themselves. It is the Bullying Circle that exists everywhere in life.

A wife bullies a boss who bullies his employess who bully their family members who bully their children who bully other siblings who bully other children and so on… To ensure that the child understands the conversation, you want to ask the child that you are coaching, “If the younger sibling wants to feel better and stop being a victim, what do they do?” The response should be that the younger child will find someone to bully. To complete the circle, ask them, “Why do you think the older child was a bully?” The correct response is that the older child was once a victim.

The coaching should be geared towards having the bully that you are coaching think about who bullies them that in turn has that child bully others. You may be surprised as to who their bully might be. Help them solve their problems and show them a different way to be. Taking a powerful stand for them will last a lifetime.

If you would like more information about our student bullying assembly programs for your school OR a teacher workshop so that schools can have a better understanding on how to work with bullies, visit http://www.bully101.com or call 732 777 1326 for more information. Be well. SHWAAAAAAAAAAAH!

http://www.bully101.com

How to get a child to try something that they don’t think they can do.

I am teaching a Yogarate class this morning and I had a child tell me that they couldn’t jump over a karate pad that was four inches off the ground. I knew he could do it, however in his world, it wasn’t happening. As educators and parents, we want to support the children and have them go above and beyond to show themselves that they can be successful. However when we simply tell them “You can do it.” or “Just try it, I know you can” we think we are doing the right thing however we don’t think about what is going on in the child’s mind.
In their world, that jump is impossible. What if I told you that you could jump over a moving car and I truly, really believed in you? Would it make a difference? Would you be excited or empowered to try it? I didn’t think so. So instead, let’s put on our thinking CAPS.
CAP stands for Confirm, Another, Praise.
First and foremost, you have to get in that child’s world and genuinely have them see you know how they are feeling inside. For example, “I know that you think you cannot jump over the karate pad. You might feel scared that you might fall.” Really get them. A child can tell when you are just feeding them a line.
ANOTHER: I know another child, who had the same color hair and the same light up sneakers like you do. (Now they are creating a mental picture of themselves) What that child did was (Insert correction here) he yelled AHYA! He then jumped over the pad while yelling AHYA and he was able to do it.
PRAISE: Give them a high five before they even attempt to try it and it will give the child the feeling of success immediately.
Don’t worry if they choose not to try it right there. Let the story bounce around their brilliant brains and don’t be surprised if they come back in a day or so and do it.
Please post if you tried this and how it worked. SHWAHHHHH!

Teaching your child about energy

I was teaching a yogarate class this past Thursday morning and the children were extremely energetic. Even after 45 straight minutes of relay races and karate drills, they were still all over the place. Truth be told, I started to get frustrated and it took almost everything I had to keep myself from reverting into an old school teacher and raise my voice. I needed to grab their attention with something they had never experienced.
I asked them to rub their hands together quickly and then cup their hands while keeping them close to each other. Then I asked them what they felt. Some of their eyes widened with excitement as they felt their hands push and pull each other like magnets. I said “now pull your hands apart slowly and then bring them together”. I watched and smiled as the kids played with the energy between their hands like it was play d’oh.
Try this yourself and with your kids and let others know what occurred. Be well and breathe.

So you think that children can’t act?

Check out this video of an amazing child who has mastered the art of manipulating adults. Does this look familiar?

Do your kids ever leave your house? If so, they need this program ASAP

This isn’t a boring program that just tells your kids  “don’t talk to strangers” and hands them a coloring book. This is the real deal. Parents, get this program into your school.

Bullying Assembly Program for “Week of Respect”

This bullying assembly program fills the requirements that schools in New Jersey will have to fulfill as part of the new Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights. Enjoy.

Shua Life Skills 1st Blog Post

Shua Life Skills is here to help and educate teachers and parents about questions regarding anything and everything from behavior management, bullying, health and wellness and  child abduction prevention.

We will provide answers  to questions and give examples of how to follow through once your question is answered. And if you are happy with what you read, please share it with everyone who could benefit from it.

We come out to your school or corporation to provide workshops, seminars and in house coaching.

Here is a taste of Ron Shuali, the founder, speaking about behavior management. Feedback and critisism is appreciated.

And don’t forget to breathe.    SHWAAHHHHHHHHHHH